Test

Am o prietena din copilarie, careia i se strica manechiura daca deschide acel obiect neidentificat fara de care altii nu pot trai – si anume calculatorul… Asta e impresia mea, care am incercat in ultimii 9 ani s-ai tot trimit emailuri, la care am primit impresionantul numar de 2 raspunsuri in 9×365=3285 de zile: adica 0,0006 emailuri pe zi… Daca vorbesc cu ea (ca telefonul e la categoria identificate) imi spune ca isi citeste posta cu regularitate, doar n-are timp sa raspunda (v-am explicat cu manechiura, nu?). Ieri i-am dat adresa blogului, sa o testez daca spune adevarul… Daca vedeti vreo reactie, inseamna ca sunt datoare cu un lac de unghii cu vitamine, sa repar ravagiile pricinuite… daca nu, aceasta e dovada publica a interesului ei de 0,0006 ganduri adresate mie pe zi. Corect?

Didn’t quite believe me, isn’t it?

So I’m still doing it… mask off, mask on, breathing without mask, replacing the regulator second stage – etc etc – all the way!

Conquer your fear

It’s 3 o’clock, am, no TV, no books, no tomorrow… In Maldives is monsoons season, when you can’t predict the weather for more than 3 hours. Today the sky is full with stars, so it won’t rain for some time. The air conditioner is doing its job – outside is a wet sticky hot, which can be barely calm down in the hot calm Indian Ocean. No waves, this is a lagoon.

The island, Kuredu, has 1,5km all around. You can walk it through in half of hour. It’s all sand – white sand – nobody wears any shoes, not even the man who waspiloting the seaplane…

First day I was a zombie – I’ve tried unsuccessfully to sleep, to eat, to relax, to rewind – no way! I had another movie running in head, full time. The welcome massage synchronized a bit my inner and outer world – I was in paradise, what the heck! It’s time to enjoy it!

Since my sis infected me with the scuba virus, I had it on my list for quite a while, tried it in Italy, got water in my mask, scared to death – heart pumping heavily in my ears, so I’ve abandon it in the middle of the session. But since it was a virus I have infected my significant one, therefore he put it on his list – so here we are giving it another try. We are 3 students: us and one Russian. The trainer is French, Benoit, speaking perfectly English. After some theory we went to lagoon and tried the gear. It was easy: put on and off your mask, cease the fish in shallow water, control your buoyancy. I could do it. The second lesson we went further in the sea. Don’t stop breathing, equalize the pressure, adjust the air in your BCD (buoyancy control device) – I was scared but brave. We were going deeper and deeper and after some time my glasses were so full of steam that I couldn’t see anything – only fog and moving shadows. Then the trainer showed us a black hole and said let’s go for it! No, really? I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, why should I want to go in that hole? So I told my French guy: I’m not going there! We had a long conversation about this: did I have problems in my ears? No. In my heart? No. In my head? Definitely! So he made a very wise decision, change the route, take my hand and said that we’ll go just for a little more: about 1,5 cm – he shown me with his eloquent hands. He was articulate, smart, experienced, fit, so I trusted him with my life. And there we are, deep in the hole, with my steamy glasses and my heart bumping in my head. There was no fun, just my will trying to control my closer and closer panic attack. But I stick it in, and I went all the way out. The next night I could finally sleep. The third day we had an open water diving. The French man abandon us – he was French after all, so we’ve got a German instead, worst English, laughing like crazy, definitely not my type. We went by boat in the middle of the sea, put the gear on and jump in the water. The French fixed my glasses before I left – it was supposed to burn he protection film before using them. How should I have known it? Nevertheless seeing is a bless. I didn’t need any hand, any support, I was free and independent. And the world deep there is breathless: millions of fishes all the colors: blue, red, green, yellow, big, small, round, fat, I was the little mermaid. There was no shark today. Over 26 species of sharks are living in Lhaviyani Atoll. Baby-sharks are coming close to the beach looking for food; and sometimes parents-sharks too. Don’t touch them is the main rule. And control your fear; your mind is more powerful than anything else.

 

Turvallista Suomea

Remember my Saab? The classical one ?  Then keep remember it because someone else liked it – and just took it! From turvallista Suomea! It just had new tires, new cd-player and new GPS.  And no insurance! It’s not that I really was in love with the car, but I had to walk today to town… let’s see how it will be when it will start raining. So, whoever you are – take care of her and bring it back to mama… You’ll find my address pressing “home”, just follow the indications – I’m waiting…

The Maggot

I am pretty sure that you have got some indigestion after looking at this meat for half a year…  Maybe is time to taste some lemon for a change

Some incredible thing happen to me recently, and since I can not keep my mouth shut and a shrink is quite expensive – I decided to write about it…

Making it short – while being with my mother in a public place, I have received a coffee invitation from a respectable person for the next day. In my credulity I was thinking that the man needs some help in some area, or he is looking for some cooperation or God knows what – and to tell you the truth, I didn’t dare to ask about the subject of the meeting, because I assumed that it might be confidential – if he didn’t discuss it in front of everybody - right? Did I mentioned that he was a respectable man?

I left my home–sweet-home on Sunday morning; I drove 50km in the heat, enjoying the flue that my daughter brought as a present from France; but nevertheless I felt good, because I was about to help someone in need.

I met the guy and we started with a small talk about life, Finland, Romanian, our spouses, our children, so on – while in the middle of my speech about the level of renovation of my house and how much my husband is working daily – he leant on me, touched my hair and said: “I didn’t know that you are such a dynamic woman”. All my assumptions of innocence were evaporated in a second, so, I took my jacket and left the building.

I am still astonished about what happened and what have I done wrong. I have dressed myself decently, in jeans, runners and buttoned up till my mouth – I have talked about my husband widely, I had all my rings on my finger (as well as he), I was equilibrated and I have a certain life experience considering at my age, so I was not sending any mixed signals… So?

What was in the idiot head? There was no secret service around – so he was not any important figure of the world. There was no helicopter involved – so he was not incredible rich. His speech was lacking any deep philosophy – was more at the level of a bored house wife, talking about his daughter sex life ?!?. He was not an author of any master piece in art, music or anything. He was not “Chippendale” stripper type and neither young anymore, his look asking more for medical help than promising any “unforgettable wild adventure”. So, how a mediocre clerk like this, can even imagine that a women, while she is talking with great admiration about her husband, might be interested to give up everything, for a cup of coffee and his overblown ego? I am still astonished and hurt by this lack of respect for me, for my family and for the fact that instead of cutting the grass in my yard I was wasted my time with a maggot.

La multi ani, romane!

Romania e: acasa, mama, familia, prietenii, miile de cuvinte ce nu trebuies memorate, Am cravata mea sunt prionier, trotoarele pline de masini, UPG-ul, Sinaia, Mamaia, Predealul, crucea de pe Caraiman, lacul Sfanta Ana, Voronetul, Maramuresul, oamenii ospitalieri si uneori neseriosi, umorul, chefurile, Rochia alba de dantela, Asfalt tango, Taxi, delta Dunarii, Balea Lac, prietenii, sora-mea, mama, acasa…

Azi e ziua noastra, La multi ani romane, oriunde ai fi!

La multi ani, R!

Mi-amintesc cand te-am vazut prima data, plangacios, mancacios, frumos, cu ochii albastrii, m-am gandit ca e musai sa-mi iau si eu o asa jucarie! Ce-au trecut anii, unul dupa altul, si uite acum, cum trebuie sa ma ridic pe varfuri sa ajung la tine… Iti doresc in noul tau an sa-ti gasesti drumul, sa-ti intalnesti pasiunea vietii si sa te lasi ars de flacara ei, sa-ti gasesti atatea proiecte incat sa nu ai timp sa respiri, sa fii inconjurat de prieteni care sa aibe permanent nevoie de tine si sa fii fericit, exact asa cum iti doresti tu sa-ti arate fericirea!

Sistemul de referinta

Orice punct A cu coordonatele (5,3,8) in sistemul de referinta I, poate avea in sistemul de referinta II coordonatele (-3,-7,-9). Nu poti afirma niciodata ca punctul A e pozitiv, fara a specifica in ce sistem de referinta i-ai masurat coordonatele. La fel se intampla si cu opiinile.

Ascult zilele trecute la televizorul, scapat de sub control in timpul unor reclame, pe Ion Iliescu vorbind despre salariul sudorilor in “tarile civilizate”. Exceptand faptul ca omiterea intentionata a cheltuielilor acelor sudori in tarile respective ducea ascultatorii in eroare, faptul ca mi-a facut tara – prin comparatie – necivilizata, m-a umplut de revolta patriotica. Eram in sistemul de coordonate I.

Ajungand acasa, pe frumoasa strada Stefan cel Mare, plina de cand ma stiu de gropi in care te puteai ascunde cu tot cu masina, in special la lumina lampadarelor economic stinse din loc in loc, m-am gandit ca strada asta e departe de ce se poate numi a “unei tari civilizate”. Trecusem in sistemul de referinta II.

In discutiile amicale cu prieteni din Finlanda, unu dintre subiectele obligatorii e temperatura zilei si si ce ciudati sunt finlandezii  (Sistemul de referinta II). Cand insa cineva din Romania, imi spune ca Finlanda e o tara de 2 lei, plictisitoare si plina de betivi – mi se ridica imediat tensiunea (Sistemul de refetinta I).

Prin extrapolare, aceasta judecata se poate extinde si altor domenii… Cred ca intotdeauna depinde de cat de aproape sau de departe subiectul disputat te atinge personal. Cred de asemenea ca nu exista un adevar absolut in niciuna dintre disputele vremii. De exemplu: de ce n-au fost romanii mai luptatori sub comunism? Eu linia n-as trage-o acolo… as muta-o intre: cine a colaborat si profitat de regim si cine a suferit. Pentru ca in final dupa o analiza mai minutioasa sa o mut spre: cine a fost obligat sa colaboreze fiind la randul lui o victima – si cine a avut doar de profitat.

Imi place sa cred ca suntem un popor tolerant si iertator, chiar cu calaii nostrii – cum Noica ne indeamna in Rugati-va pentru fratele Alexandru, ca sa ma consternez apoi de incrancenarea cu care care fete bisericesti infiereaza maneaua. Nu ura, nu furtul, nu lenea, nu aroganta, ci maneaua – ultima tara a neamului romanesc.

Tot la televizor (pe care azi nu l-am deschis si sper sa ramana asa) am vazut un reportaj despre oamenii strazii. Unul dintre reporteri spune: “ce sa fac, sa ma simt vinovat ca am salariul mai mare de 10 ori decat bugetarii?” si “ De ce n-au facut si oamenii strazii o facultate?” printre alte perle de inteligenta si intelegere, pe care nu le-am retinut. Cazul investigat era a unui om, ce in urma unei depresii – moartea unui copil – a ajuns in strada. Ma asteptam ca in emisiunile lui Oprah, in final omul sa ramana daca nu cu o casa, macar cu o adresa la un centru de ajutorare. Ce credeti insa ca au facut ultrainteligentii reporteri? L-au dus la un doctor, ce ca si alti doctori romani sufera de sindromul “atotputernicirii”, si care i-a recomandat o pereche de ochelari si igiena – de acolo din varful piedestalului pe care  se afla. Omul din prapastie, avea evident nevoie sa citeasca – si poate la cei 50-60 de ani sa se apuce de o facultate singura solutie vazuta de reporteri… Dupa care, ii spun la revedere, si-l lasa in strada cu reteta de ochelari in mana. Cu reteta! – ca se terminase programul de lucru si nu puteau sa-i dea macar ochelarii pana la capat. Sistemul de referinta II.

Leaganul respiratiei

Jussi imi spune pe nepusa masa: Felicitari! Eu ii raspund multumesc, fara sa am habar de motivul felicitarilor. Ma lamureste singur: o romanca a primit premiul Nobel pentru literatura. Foarte bine, gandesc eu – aveam nevoie de asa ceva…. N-am cautat insa cartea, am vazut cateva interviuri si am avut o retinere in ce priveste autoarea inversunata pe un trecut, pe care nu stiu daca l-am fi putut gestiona altfel si cum… Cartea insa am primit-o cadou, asa ca a fost musai sa o citesc.

Leaganul respiratiei e o agonie – fara a fi urmata de nici un extaz… pura agonie… un om total singur ce poarta experienta lagarului adanc scrisa in suflet. De la Alexandru Soljenitin si Erich Maria Remarque ramai cu speranta ca in cele mai negre gauri ale disperarii oamenii se ajuta si supravietuiesc prin ceilalti, insa la Herta Muller – camarazii sunt inlocuiti de obiecte: lopata de inima, salul visiniu, batista, “noi e-un singular”… Calculele:  “M-am inghesuit in randul din fata, ca sa fiu printre primii si sa nu trebuiasca pe deasupra sa mai si incarc niste cadavre inainte de a fi impuscat”. Un univers pe cat de nedrept si inexplicabil, pe atat de cutremurator.

Puhdistus

Am citit ” Purificarea ” lui Sofi Oksanen. Trista. O viata distorsionata sub cizma istoriei, cand fiecare alege ce crede ca ii va aduce supravietuirea Lui, si sfarseste in final zdrobit, nefericit, neimplinit si turmentat de sacrificarea celorlalti. Aliide era un om obisnuit, credibil, fara stofa de erou. Putea fi oricare dintre noi. Si stau acum si ma gandesc, cati n-ar face, poate, aceleasi gesturi, odata ce sunt impinsi dincolo de limita. Trista cartea, mai ales in noiembrie… Iar obsesia Aliidei cu casa! Singurul lucru cu care ramasese si de la care isi tragea puterea, era casa. Iar unii spun ca o casa nu e nicidecum un tel in viata. Poate nu o fi un tel, insa e clar o radacina, pe care unii o pot taia, altii nu. Unii se pot reimplanta, altii se usuca. Unii se intorc la Tara, altii fug de ea. E o tema care revine si e discutata si rasdiscutata. Daca ei si-ar fi luat lumea in cap de la inceputul furtunii, ar fi fost istoria lor alta? A dus-o pe Zara viata in strainataturi in paradis? Casa ramane in mintea Aliidei, obsedant, limanul.