Till death do us part

“Till death do us part!” This is the oath we sworn when getting married. You might have heard it and you might have answered, truthfully, hopefully, sincerely:” I do”.

No one would question your sincerity, “till death do us part” – except the unquestionable statistics.

Let’s take a look: about 40% of first marriages end in divorce after about 8 years; then you take 3 years break and start your second marriage, that has 60% chances to end up in divorce after about 6 years. After this you’ve just learned the drill, so you can do it over and over again – unless your financial or physical status becames so bad that you’re not eligible anymore.

No reason to worry. The statistics have nothing to do with one individual life. One’s perfect or terrible marriage will be treated as an extreme case and will bear very little impact (impact?… because you are using “bear” before) on the entire picture… Unless it happened to your friend.

She got married with Prince Charming when she was 20. They lived happily ever after until one day when Price Charming realized that life is short and he wants more. That day didn’t come after 8 years – like in the statistics – didn’t come after 16 either, it came after 30 years.

So what did my friend so? After many long phone calls, a lot of thinking and a little bit of crying, she decided that she’s the one in charge of her life, it’s time to stop feeling sorry for herself and take action. She was used to a life where the man was around to do stuff, to open the car door, buy flowers, book the vacations… so she started looking for the same deal. However, in 30 years the rules of the game had changed totally! When you’re 20 and your future lies ahead, you don’t look at the CV to check what the man has achieved. What is important are his looks and if he feels full of promise. At 50 I have to tell you that how he looks is still important, however at the same time he has to have achieved also something in his life. One coca cola does not make your head spin anymore – just because it is not healthy 🙂

I can tell you that for a year or so, she brought me up to date with the dating experience and there is war out there. Some are young, good looking and is quite flattering that they are interested in you  – until they open their mouth and start talking.

If they pass the first test, by sustaining an intelligent conversation – it is very probable they fail the reliability test. Here there are 2 options: guys with a vivid imagination (or otherwise named liars)  or guys totally broke that can afford only the coca cola glass.

In another category, there are the successful men. They can talk the talk, they can walk the walk, they can invite you to dinner, they can pay their own dinner, sometimes even your dinner. The downside is that they are totally unavailable. They are involved in their work, in their hobbies, in their bussiness, so they have very little or no time for romance. In the worst case they might also be very busy with old, actual or parallel relations, just because they can.

After some trials with real dating, my friend decided to start the virtual ones. One friend installed Tinder on her phone. Quite handy. If you like to travel, you can find matches within 5 km, eager to change impressions. The downside is that on that website there is a focus and one only. No romance, no candlelight, no “you’re my soul mate” – just “I like your picture, you’re so hot! Would you…?”

Life is long and you can never know what future can hold for you. If you’re happy in your “till death do us part” respect it and show your partner your love and gratitude! If you’re miserable – blame statistics and get out of there. It is not easy, but I can’t describe to you the thrill from my friend’s voice when she meets at 50+ a potential partner. I can hear that “love is in the air” in her voice.

When life knocks you to your knees, stop crying, stop praying, dry your tears, stand up and keep on fighting! Because under the first corner, behind the next hill is he,, your soul mate waiting for you to start a wonderful journey together.

 

Under magnifying glass

 Suddenly I have too much time on my hands and all kind of thoughts and conclusions are invading my brain. Let’s start look at them:

• 1. A friend of mine is dreaming to move in a warmer country and now even started to look there for a house. Another friend was talking about how easy and nice is to move abroad (where she was only in vacation) and telling me that I’m a pessimistic person if I believe that it might be hard.

This week I’m in Firenze, which is south and warm. Am I tempted to move here? No. I missed the sun and the warm weather, but here the sun is an enemy – I try to find the shadow everywhere I go. In addition, is so hot then even in absence of the sun, is hot. In my room I have good air conditioner, but if I turn it down the temperature rises at 30 degrees in 30 mins. So I keep it on a while turn it off, then on again, etc… It’s not fun. I’m alone here and I had a good book, I had no drive to go and search the city. I had a walk, but is was brief – and all what I was thinking was to go out of heat. I like visiting and exploring, but maybe tomorrow… They said that you need several days for acclimatization.

• 2. Another  friend was telling me that without liking the country, you should not consider moving there or starting a relation there.

In my case it goes totally in opposite direction. I would choose my country based on the people there. Not the beauty, not the weather, but love ones, family and friends. Besides, changing countries is a decision with many plusses and minusses – you can adapt or go home, no point in staying between.

• 3. Improvements. After certain age one might notice that people start to treat you differently: some with respect, some condescendingly, some excluding you, voluntarily or not, from common activities. Or all of the above are only in our heads.

For example yesterday there was a rock concert four young acousticians, that I’ve skipped because of the title – and because I didn’t make any effort to find someone to go with. I have an older friend that went through surgical operation in order to look young, I have an younger friend considering the operation. However is it worth the pain and the risk? Is it all what we can offer? A young look? I’ve been also asking my hair dresser who’s 5 years older and looking like – what is her opinion? She’s a marathon runner, preparing nowadays for half triathlon – so she said that how her look is, is not her concern, however she’s definitely interested in keeping her physical shape. Until last year, I might say that was interested in proving that I can still learn/ research / make myself recognized. This year though, I oriented my attention to other area.

So what’s the answer? Is the look, the fitness, the brain training, or something else – more important when we grow older? Can we concentrate on one and forget the others? Should we concentrate more on being ok with where, how and with how we are in that phase or our life, or should we still fight for better, nicer, fitter, smarter? Or maybe we should just change the country?

Jon Bon Jovi

was something else… He didn’t need any introduction and sang in a pouring rain for 40.000 people… Didn’t stop, didn’t breath, he was jumping around for 2 and half hours in wet clothes and tight jeans! What a show! His sound was not as good as in Clapton’s show, the music was maybe not so elaborated – but the guy, looking forever young – had an incredible voice and was making a great show. Why doesn’t he ask people for a coffee?

Sistemul de referinta

Orice punct A cu coordonatele (5,3,8) in sistemul de referinta I, poate avea in sistemul de referinta II coordonatele (-3,-7,-9). Nu poti afirma niciodata ca punctul A e pozitiv, fara a specifica in ce sistem de referinta i-ai masurat coordonatele. La fel se intampla si cu opiinile.

Ascult zilele trecute la televizorul, scapat de sub control in timpul unor reclame, pe Ion Iliescu vorbind despre salariul sudorilor in „tarile civilizate”. Exceptand faptul ca omiterea intentionata a cheltuielilor acelor sudori in tarile respective ducea ascultatorii in eroare, faptul ca mi-a facut tara – prin comparatie – necivilizata, m-a umplut de revolta patriotica. Eram in sistemul de coordonate I.

Ajungand acasa, pe frumoasa strada Stefan cel Mare, plina de cand ma stiu de gropi in care te puteai ascunde cu tot cu masina, in special la lumina lampadarelor economic stinse din loc in loc, m-am gandit ca strada asta e departe de ce se poate numi a „unei tari civilizate”. Trecusem in sistemul de referinta II.

In discutiile amicale cu prieteni din Finlanda, unu dintre subiectele obligatorii e temperatura zilei si si ce ciudati sunt finlandezii  (Sistemul de referinta II). Cand insa cineva din Romania, imi spune ca Finlanda e o tara de 2 lei, plictisitoare si plina de betivi – mi se ridica imediat tensiunea (Sistemul de refetinta I).

Prin extrapolare, aceasta judecata se poate extinde si altor domenii… Cred ca intotdeauna depinde de cat de aproape sau de departe subiectul disputat te atinge personal. Cred de asemenea ca nu exista un adevar absolut in niciuna dintre disputele vremii. De exemplu: de ce n-au fost romanii mai luptatori sub comunism? Eu linia n-as trage-o acolo… as muta-o intre: cine a colaborat si profitat de regim si cine a suferit. Pentru ca in final dupa o analiza mai minutioasa sa o mut spre: cine a fost obligat sa colaboreze fiind la randul lui o victima – si cine a avut doar de profitat.

Imi place sa cred ca suntem un popor tolerant si iertator, chiar cu calaii nostrii – cum Noica ne indeamna in Rugati-va pentru fratele Alexandru, ca sa ma consternez apoi de incrancenarea cu care care fete bisericesti infiereaza maneaua. Nu ura, nu furtul, nu lenea, nu aroganta, ci maneaua – ultima tara a neamului romanesc.

Tot la televizor (pe care azi nu l-am deschis si sper sa ramana asa) am vazut un reportaj despre oamenii strazii. Unul dintre reporteri spune: „ce sa fac, sa ma simt vinovat ca am salariul mai mare de 10 ori decat bugetarii?” si ” De ce n-au facut si oamenii strazii o facultate?” printre alte perle de inteligenta si intelegere, pe care nu le-am retinut. Cazul investigat era a unui om, ce in urma unei depresii – moartea unui copil – a ajuns in strada. Ma asteptam ca in emisiunile lui Oprah, in final omul sa ramana daca nu cu o casa, macar cu o adresa la un centru de ajutorare. Ce credeti insa ca au facut ultrainteligentii reporteri? L-au dus la un doctor, ce ca si alti doctori romani sufera de sindromul „atotputernicirii”, si care i-a recomandat o pereche de ochelari si igiena – de acolo din varful piedestalului pe care  se afla. Omul din prapastie, avea evident nevoie sa citeasca – si poate la cei 50-60 de ani sa se apuce de o facultate singura solutie vazuta de reporteri… Dupa care, ii spun la revedere, si-l lasa in strada cu reteta de ochelari in mana. Cu reteta! – ca se terminase programul de lucru si nu puteau sa-i dea macar ochelarii pana la capat. Sistemul de referinta II.

ARF-ul vazut de mine…

ARF-ul este o asociatiei a romanilor din Finlanda, care ca orice aglomerare de oameni, are si bune si rele, e si iubita si hulita, si laudata si criticata…. A inceput de prin 2004, avand ca protagonisti cativa romani ce isi gasisera loc de intalnire in pizzeria altui roman. Unul din motivele legalizarii intalnirilor a fost, cred eu, organizarea unui festival romanesc in Helsinki. Dupa terminarea festivalului, unul din membrii conducerii si-a epuizat brusc interesul si totul a ramas, in mare, in grija presedintei inconjurata de 2-3 oameni.

Ceea ce am apreciat eu intotdeauna la ea, R., a fost tenacitatea cu care a convins oamenii sa i se alature in fel de fel de activitati. Cu anii insa, asociatia a devenit tot mai mult un cerc inchis, dupa cateva experiente esuate, ce implicau romani necunoscuti – apoi membrii  s-au integrat mai repede sau mai incet in societatea finlandeza si interesul pentru intalnirile romanesti a mai scazut… Pentru revitalizarea scopurilor marete – in lumina carora asociatia s-a infiintat, alti presedinti si presedinte s-au perindat pe la conducere, fara a reusi insa, nici sa creeze un liant intre membrii comunitatii, nici sa promoveze si sa sustina activitati, care fiind benevole, cereau efort nerenumerat si nerecunoscut apoi de nimeni… O noua aripa s-a rupt in 2010, urmand sa lupte pentru promovarea legaturilor cu cultura romana, facilitarea intalnirilor intre copii – si probabil multe altele… Vechia aripa s-a regrupat si isi continua drumul – ceea ce pentru ceilalti nu poate insemna decat mai multe oferte si variante de petrecere a timpului impreuna.

Pentru mine, ARF a fost si este o poarta deschisa catre comunitatea romana. Nu ma astept ca ea isi impuna obiective marete – ca programe de integrare, sau schimbarea imaginii Romaniei in Finlanda, insa sper sa fie mai mult decat cateva chefuri organizate intre vorbitorii tineri de limba romana. Petrecerea de ieri, organizata intr-o locatie superba, mi-a demonstrat ca daca exista interes, iar organizatorii au credibilitate, romanii sunt dornici de intalniri.

Opinii

Azi am un intermezzo, sunt dupa finalizarea unei teme si inaintea inceperii urmatoarei, asa ca stau si citesc ce mai e nou prin lume. Iar pentru ca am gasit cateva articole despre opinii, in care idea de baza era ca daca nu stii despre ce vorbesti e mai bine sa taci decat sa poluezi emisunile TV, sectiile de votare, blogurile, forumurile de opinii in domenii in care n-ai nici o calificare, m-am gandit sa-mi dau si eu o parere, ca fiind interzisa, mi-a devenit implicit irezistibila.

Imi amintesc ca la inceputul anilor 2001, eram inca la Universitate, iar la o sedinta de catedra s-a discutat in trecere despre internet ca sursa de informatie, iar opiniile au fost in majoritate ca doar cartea tiparita si revizuita poate fi luata in considerare.

Cred insa ca timpul a contrazis partial aceasta parere iar succesul wikipediei sta la baza afirmatiei mele. Daca in anul 2006, “intelepciunea multimii neavizate” era inca pusa sub semnul intrebarii, in 2010 pot spune ca cele 3 milioane de articole si 12 milioane de contribuitori vorbesc de la sine. Ideea de baza este volumul contribuitorilor si continua editare a informatiei, care ca in orice semnal, face ca informatia coerenta sa se amplifice si zgomotul incoerent sa ramana pe fundal, nedisturband esentialul. Sunt de acord ca informatia nu trebuie preluata ca atare, insa cand poti, in realitate, sa faci asa ceva? Intotdeauna si periodic informatia trebuie verificata si editata. Pentru mine insa, accesul la carti, filme, flori, animale, instrumente, fenomene, informatie primara in orice domeniu, este de nepretuit.

Tot in trecut un mare semn de intrebare era pus asupra publicatiilor independente sau parte a unei institutii, insa publicate online. In ziua de azi, cursurile majoritatilor universitatilor se regasesc liber pentru oricine este interesat sa le rasfoiasca, teme din diferite domenii sunt publicate pretutindeni. In acelasi timp, instrumente de identificare a fenomenului copy/paste sunt accesibile in multe parti ale lumii, astfel incat informatia sa fie filtrata de studenti, elevi sau alti utilizatori, cel putin in procesul educational. Insa ea exista acolo si este editata de contributia fiecareia dintre noi. Inclusiv de a mea. Asta am avut azi de spus.